Mr. Grey is not MY dream man. Here’s why.


I wasn’t going to post again about the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. However, judging by the more than 13,000 people in the past few days alone who read my previous reviews coupled with the obvious fact the 50 SoG mania isn’t going away nearly as quickly as I might have wished, well–here I go again.  I feel the need to stand up for the good guys of this world–guys like my husband and my fav actor–who exemplify what being a man really should be about.  If you love 50 SoG, you probably don’t want to read any further . . . you’re not gonna like it.

When one considers the runaway success of the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy and millions of women’s obsession with its kinky billionaire “hero,” Christian Grey, I feel like something of a rebel for stating I am just not into Mr. Grey, his good looks and obscene wealth notwithstanding. I mean, what’s wrong with me? I’m a respectable middle-aged woman who leads a quiet life. I am supposed to be panting for this stuff!!

But no.

I am attracted to mature, well-adjusted, intelligent males. To men who are strong enough to display a tender and nurturing side whilst showing a quiet self-confidence to the world. To classy gentlemen who don’t constantly feel they have to prove their manliness. To men who don’t feel the need to beat the hell out of innocent young women with a belt. I’m just funny that way, I guess.

I married a man like that, the love of my life. I crush on another one, the talented actor and, I believe, thoroughly top-drawer human being to which this site is primarily dedicated.

My kinda guy.

And then there’s Mr. Grey.

Let me count just a few of the ways why Mr. Grey is NOT my dream man . . .

Give me a proper, mature grown-up, not a bratty, mercurial, hormonally-maddened teenager in a man’s body. I don’t care how hot you’re supposed to look with the top button of your jeans undone.  I don’t want a boy.

I’m not a spring chicken anymore, and even when I was, being involved with someone who would have me on a perpetual emotional roller coaster never appealed.  I’m not a drama queen, and I don’t wish to be involved with a drama king.

Nowadays, in my middling years, I’m a person dealing with a chronic health issue, one exacerbated by stress. That same health issue, FMS, also causes me a considerable amount of pain. I’m highly appreciative of peace and harmony and reasonable freedom from pain whenever possible.

Life with someone like you, Mr. Grey, would hardly offer that.

Space. Give me space.

I grew up the youngest by several years in my family, so I am a bit like an only child in certain ways. I like having some time to myself.  My hubby—coincidentally, also a youngest child by several years– and I love spending time together. There truly is no one else with whom I would rather share my life.  But–we also respect the fact that we each need our private time.

The idea of someone insisting on knowing everything I do and everywhere I go 24/7, someone who attempts to orchestrate my very life for me is not romantic; it’s– stifling. It’s creepy.

“Every breath you take, every move you make, I’ll be watching you” was not meant to be a love song. Just ask Sting. It’s about an obsessive stalker.

A man can adore you without wanting to own you. Just ask Mr. Thornton or Harry Kennedy.

You can’t buy everything you want and need in life. Buy your wife the company she works for, buy the services of your submissives, buy—love and respect and trust. You have to earn those things, Mr. Grey. I know you had a lousy time of it as a kid, and I am truly sorry.

I don’t wish abuse—physical, mental, emotional, sexual—on anyone.

But learn from the horrors of past; others have. Treat fellow human beings as fellow human beings, not mergers and acquisitions and pieces of meat to feed your particular physical appetites. Money really isn’t everything.

Ultimately, for me, Mr. Grey, you’re far more sad  and creepy than deliciously sexy. And you have serious issues that giving an inexperienced girl great orgasms with a handcuffs and a ball gag or two  isn’t going to fix for either of you.  I don’t buy your sugar-coated “happily ever after.”  I hope the women who devour these books  do realize you’re only a pale imitation of what a real man is supposed to, and indeed, can be.

Oh, and by the way: nice, well-adjusted guys can also have a naughty side and enjoy some steam and spice. I speak from experience . . . just sayin.’

About fedoralady

I'm an LA native--Lower Alabama, that is. My husband of more than 30 years and I live here on a portion of my family's former farm with two gorgeous calicos and a handsome GSD mix. My background is art education, and over the years I've been a teacher, department store photographer, sales associate and a journalist. My husband, his business partner and I have Pecan Ridge Productions, a video production company, for which I shoot & edit video and stills and manage marketing. I also still write part-time for the local paper. I love movies, music, art, photography and books, and my tastes in all of them are eclectic.

9 responses »

    • It saddens me that many people find this story romantic. It’s about emotional abuse and manipulation above and beyond the BDSM aspects. I wanted to tell this girl to run far and fast.

      • Very far and very fast!! I find the whole notion of CG repulsive. And I repeat my suggestion that every copy include a coupon for psychotherapy.

        • I fear the ladies swooning all over the “sexy and rich CG” can’t see past his “good looks” and his billions. They don’t realize there’s something deeply disturbing about this character.

          • Someone over at the review post commented that she worried our society had become so shallow and materialistic that the money and looks were the most important things. And that thought did depress her. I don’t if any of y’all have read some of the more recent comments there, but some are heartbreaking. People who have been in relationships with manipulative, abusive partners themselves and who now the whole “happily ever after” scenario is so very unlikely. 😦

  1. I picked up Fifty Shades of Gray on the recommendation of an elderly gentleman in a bookstore who said it was all the rage and very erotic. Trilogy? I read one, have no desire to read more, and would give my copy to no one but the paper recyclers. Angie, I’m not surprised that I can second everything you wrote about that book. It’s just a new dress for the same old sexist, abusive relationship crap that we women have been struggling to throw off for centuries.

    However, a masculine beauty who does not embody sexism, but confidence coupled with modesty and friendliness, who can think and feel and love and act under trying circumstances, he is the man whom I find truly erotic, irresistibly attractive. Somewhere in cyberspace there is a discussion about just what IS the appeal of our favorite muse. One of these days I’ll find it again and join it, but for now, I’ll keep enjoying your videos, and your blog.

    • Hello, Lynne, and welcome. You know how much I admire our dear Richard, whose beauty starts on the inside and just makes the outside all the more lovely and irresistible. I have been so proud of him during Comic-Con–how he conducted himself, ever the polite and gracious gentleman, friendly, relaxed, thoughtful, intelligent and articulate in his responses. Yes, he’s the total package and truly erotic–CG is nothing but a wanna-be IMHO.
      Thanks for reading and commenting! Hope to hear more from you. 😀

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