Thorin’s unexpected journey as perfume pitchman

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There’s a new commercial for Chanel No. 5 featuring the fabled perfume’s first male spokesperson, actor Brad Pitt. It’s been spoofed by, well—everybody. And no one seems to quite know what it’s supposed to mean. I personally equate it with pretentious crap, but that’s just me.

 However, it’s generating a ton of views on YouTube and no doubt sales will only climb. Even seemingly negative publicity is better than none at all, right?

It’s not a journey. Every journey ends but we go on,” Pitt says in the black and white commercial. “The world turns and we turn with it. Plans disappear. Dreams take over. But wherever I go, there you are. My luck, my fate, my fortune.”

HUH? Click the link below to see both the original commercial and some of the spoofs:

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2012/10/brad-pitt-chanel-ad-makes-little-scents/

So, I got to thinking–what if there was a Thorin spoof of said scent commercial? It might go something like–this, with lots of soulful, meaningful glances and that deep, dark, rich baritone purring the words:

“It’s an unexpected journey. With a bunch of dirty, filthy, smelly, raucous dwarves. It ends at some point but the stench goes on. Middle-Earth turns and we turn with it.

Plans disappear. Maybe the hobbit steals them.

He is a burglar after all, though hardly a warrior.

Dreams take over. I dream of being the hottest dwarf ever. Oh, wait–I already am. 

Wherever I go, there you all are–salivating over me. My luck, my fate, my fangurlz.

I’m gonna make a fortune for Warner Brothers. You won’t ever be as gorgeous and hot as me, but if you use this stuff, at least you’ll smell better than Dwalin.”

Would we really care what he said? Or how it actually smelled? We’d probably buy it anyway.  Oh, we’ve got it bad . . .

54 responses »

      • Did someone say Barnes and Noble had it? I’ll be there tomorrow. Thanks for the link to the new Hobbit article. He is going to be really big when this movie hits the big screens. Those EYES!

        The interviewer, Gareth Williams, saw and reported on the RA whom we were discussing yesterday. He called him “soft-spoken, demure, almost shy for someone of his height,” in other words, not a showoff himself, but certainly a perfectionist in showing off the character of Thorin to the best, most accurate advantage. As you have said, a thorough professional!

        “Demure?”. I think that’s a bitt much. Maybe RA might have seemed that way because of the contrast between his thoughtful manner of speaking and other film stars of similar fame and stature, like the one we discussed yesterday, who tend to be vain and know-it-all. I was so happy to read this article because it corroborates our good opinion of this person who has captured our heaarts.

        • I agree, “demure” is not really an adjective I associate with RA. Self-effacing and modest, yes. Which doesn’t seem to be terribly common amongst celebs in general. Richard is a rare breed–but then, we all knew that already, didn’t we?? *wears a Guy-like smug little smirk*

  1. ROFL! Yes, Thorin Scent goes on my Christmas list. I imagine something with a woodsy top note, a musky base, and maybe some sandalwood. A scent you can mist over your sheets so it stays with you and evokes happy dreams of a very sexy dwarf…

    • The Universe’s Sexiest Dwarf, of course. 😉 Now, when my Thorin plush toy arrives, if only I could spritz him with Thorin No. 1 and drift off into delicous Thorin dreams whilst hugging Thorin close . . . *sigh* I’ve got it bad and I’ve got it good! LOL

  2. Hello, ladies,

    I’m the Dwarf your man could smell like. Look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man…now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using that sissy Elf scented body wash and switched to Old Dwarf, he could smell like me.

    Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in a mine with the Dwarf your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s a tankard of Bomber’s Best Ale. Look again, the ale is now the Arkenstone.

    Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Dwarf and not an Elf. I’m on an eagle…

      • I just had a look at the commercial. I’m sorry but BP does not come across as the sharpest tool in the shed. He looks clueless. And downright bored! I wonder how much money he got paid for it? I hope his salary went straight to his charity’s account. Otherwise, he’s completely lost all credibility to me as a humanitarian.

  3. Angie, this was absolutely HILARIOUS!!! Priceless!!! And your version too, JaneGael! Btw, Angie, you’re not the only one who thinks the Brad Pitt commercial is pretentious crap- I read a review online which said pretty much the same thing!:) I haven’t even been tempted to watch it- but boy would I watch it had it been done by Richard-Thorin! I could never STOP watching it in fact!

    • 😀 We are glad you liked.

      I had heard something about the Pitt commercial earlier this week. Then I saw this link on a magazine website that gives me daily updates and I had to check it out. NO Wonder everyone was parodying it! It’s completely ripe for it . . . stupid pretentious crap, indeed. *rolls eyes* I loved the guy on SNL’s take on it. “Do I look like a homeless guy??” LOL

      Of course, if RA/Thorin had done it, it would be mesmerizing and brilliant, because they can make a silk purse out of the proverbial sow’s ear, of course. 😉

      • This just proves it. There’s no such thing as bad publicity! They say it was a homerun? The pretentious crap proved to be an absolute winner! What is wrong with this world? I despair. And yes he does. Look like a homeless guy, that is.

        • Yeah, seems like these days the masses will lap up pretty much anything. *sigh* I have to wonder if Brad looked at the script and thought, “this is idiotic–but I’ve got a pile of kids to support so bring on the idiocy and give me my paycheck.” LOL Remember this is a world in which mediocre writers become multi-millionaires, too. *deeper sigh*

          • But he’s already got more money than he or in fact his 6 kids and future grandchildren can ever spend in their lifetime! Even if they live to be a 100!

          • *sighing right along with you* It never fails to amaze me how mediocre tripe can succeed beyond any reasonable expectation, but quality work has to fight for every scrap.

            • As I was queueing to board the plane on Mon, the girl who was standing in front of me was reading..guess what? 50 Shades of Cr*p of course! I read a few sentences over her shoulder and I honestly cannot understand how that utter tripe ever got published! I saw it at the airport bookshops too, top three spots of the bestsellers section were occupied by this rubbish! (In one of the shops The Hobbit was 5th, btw.)

              • I was shocked to see it offered in Spanish at the little news & books shop at the train station in Ronda. Thankfully, it was on the top shelf, above normal eye level, but still — good grief!

  4. Fantastic post! I’ve been thinking about a similar post for quite some time but this is awesome! I hadn’t seen the Brad Pitt commercial yet – just heard it on the radio. The spoofs are hilarious! But it certainly is easy to mock!
    Love your take on it, and Jane Gael’s as well.

    • Agreed that Angie’s and JaneGael’s versions are a hoot. Obviously, I’m living under a rock because I have not heard or seen the Pitt version. IMHO, just the brief transcript is enough to kill any credibility Chanel ever had.

        • One wonders if the ad pitchmen said to themselves, “OK now, let’s come up with some pretentious clap trap for Brad to spout while being shot in artsy black and white, and some people will be dumb enough to think it’s terribly avant-garde, while others will see it for the bulls**t it really is. And everyone will be talking about, so–“

          • The main aim was to get everybody to talk about it, I think! And they have certainly achieved that. Even we are talking about it! Though we’re not likely to buy the thing, are we? 🙂 I personally can’t stand the smell of Chanel 5 but even if I did this ad would seriously put me off it.

              • It is really interesting how our body chemistry changes over time and what smelled great on/to us can change with it. There is an Estee Lauder fragrance that I am highly allergic to now, although I didn’t used to be. This dear old lady from our church used to give me a big bottle every year after I complimented her on how good she smelled. Well, I reached the point where I couldn’t wear it, but couldn’t work up the nerve to tell Miss Irene. So I passed it on to my mother who wore it (and smelled delicious) when I was not around. 😉

              • My darling ex-colleague (now retired) always used to get me a box of coconut pralinés for my birthday, and it’s just about the only type of candy /sweet I don’t like. 🙂 I never dared to tell her that though…

  5. Gotta add my two cents. My stomach is splitting! Brilliant, the parody, that is. You should make your Thorin script into a video, Angie. It would be the best! That hair on BP looks awful. How is it that this famous star looks so bad on a prepared commercial, while RA is always gorgeous, even when claiming to look like a vagrant, and as Guy rising from the road in RH, beginning of S3, dirty, disheleved, disoriented, furious, grieving at having lost Marian, yet still compelling.

    • I may try to come up with something . . . video-wise, that is. Do you remember when Brad had what I refer to as his billy goat Gruff beard?? That and that long hair really WOULD make him look like a vagrant, whereas Richard just looked gorgeous and dazzling with his extensions tied back and tucked up. Guy–even dirty and greasy, boozy and half-crazed–still punched all the right buttons for this girl. What a performance!!

  6. I think I just rolled out of my chair laughing!!! I’d take anything Richard over anything Brad ANY DAY! Hooray for sweaty dwarf!!

  7. ROFL! Your parody is absolutely hilarious! My sides hurt, seriously. Eau de Thorin is my new must-have scent. I can just imagine its dirty, musky base, the sweaty leather and chain-mail heart, and the smoky, chocolatey top notes! Thanks!

    • 😀 Glad you enjoyed, saraleee! I figured everyone else was having so much fun taking the mickey out of Brad for that commercial, I might as well, too. 😉 I suspect if Eau de Thorin existed, we would all be clamoring for a bottle. 😉

  8. I was disgusted when I saw this perfume commercial but it did remind me of a comment RA made after North and South when he joked that he really was ‘Brad Pitt’ in the flesh so even RA thinks BP is the ‘yardstick’ that we(females) measure male beauty. It just makes me want to roll with laughter.

    • Brad Pitt has never done anything for me. I think he’s a talented actor, but in terms of a visceral reaction such as the one Richard causes in me—uhmmmm, no. Compared to Richard, Brad is just soooooo–pretty boy bland. Just “meh.”

      • I don’t know anything about them as actors, but Pitt’s ,and Depp’s, reputation as handsome men has always been annoying to me. I think they are as plain as they come, and don’t look too bright either. Sorry, I’m ranting. They just really irritate me 😦

          • Oh, you don’t want to me rant away. I might take a week 🙂 The fact that Pitt is considered handsome, and Kate Moss is considered beautiful just freaks me out.

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