It all matters. Our life right now. And Richard’s smile on Thorin.

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(Sorry, this post isn’t the most upbeat I have ever shared, but it’s honest. And there’s some hope sprinkled in, because I am essentially an optimist. 😉 )

We are about to go into the season of giving. I have already started seeing the charities popping up on the caller ID. I don’t answer the phone because I know I will have to decline.

My sister paid our mortgage for last month. She is an angel, but I have known that forever.  We probably won’t be able to pay this month’s installment until next month.

Ever heard of robbing Peter to pay Paul? Yeah, it’s like that. Who absolutely HAS to be paid, and who will just have to wait their turn.  I’ve been picking up more work with the newspaper (thank you, Tracy) and also sold more of my jewelry and collectibles, and that’s brought in a few hundred dollars, but it all seems like just a drop in the bucket.

On one hand, I am so pleased to finally see progress being made with this arm and wrist of mine. I got an injection in my wrist yesterday and go back in two weeks. Dr. Chavan is happy to see improvement, but neither of us believes I am where I need to be yet.  I WILL get there, even if it takes being sent to the “wrist man” for surgery.  I’ve been fighting with this since May, close to six months, and I am finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. For that, I am deeply grateful.

On the other hand, the co-pays are eating us alive. And I feel guilty about it. Guilty that my husband is falling asleep at his desk at work because he can’t sleep at night. I hate seeing him looking so tired. Normally a stoic kind of guy, Benny actually admitting how bushed he is indicates to me he really is desperately in need of a break, and in more ways than one.

And I am desperately tired myself; the Chronic Fatigue is hammering me, on top of the FMS, all exacerbated by the tendon and ligament damage on my left side.  It’s one day, one hour, sometimes one minute at a time. I do pretty well putting on a game face for local friends and acquaintances, but underneath it all . . . sometimes I want to curl up with my blue fleece throw and have a good old cry.

 

So I really needed this quote I found on Pinterest today, a reminder that the small and seemingly insignificant things I can actually do, that any of us can do, make a difference. They count; they matter. I may not be able to donate to worthy causes or participate in some events because of my lack of funds and/or my physical limitations, but I can still find enjoyment and purpose and do good for others in my own way. I don’t know, maybe some of you need to be reminded, too . . .

 

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And seeing all the beauty and humor and sweet humanity in this face doesn’t hurt either.

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24 responses »

  1. Nice quote. And yes – you can do good without money, too. I think *you* have done much good already, Angie, with your fics, your pics and your many uplifting posts. A more reflective post like this one is just a counterbalance. I hope your wrist continues to heal – and that the general situation will improve. All the best!

    • thank you, Guylty. *hugs* I guess you can’t really appreciate the light without experiencing the darkness, too, can you? I just had to have a good cry and a cuddle with my moth-eaten old cat 😉 while I got some of this off my chest. I try to share things I find interesting, funny, beautiful–on FB and here and elsewhere and if any of it helps at least one person through their day, well, it’s worth it. I am going out today to cover Old Time Farm Day for the paper and it’s supposed to be a beautiful fall day. I look forward to fresh air, sunshine and lots of cool photo ops and a paycheck resulting from it. 😀

  2. …..oh, my Child,….I S-O-O-O hear you and want to gently wrap my arm about you…so well said before what you found to share…it came from the heart..to Me…for Me…I go the 27th for the 9am mammogram..I AM the “Fiber Queen”…and then come back to the dr. for Phase 3:Surgery (..can I afford ANY?), or how to learn to live w/ the RA…NOT HIM!!!!..(Jeez-Louise!almost wet my britches..!)..the Rheumatoid Artheeee..brand-newly diagnosed..left arm,shoulder,side,hand thumb…(yes, I AM left-handed)….4-6wks after therapy…(…I can’t walk-and-chew-gum-at-the-same-time, how do I wipe my..BUTT?!?!?!…the plot thickens..!!)…when YOU come to my RESCUE!, speak to me with these words and ..THAT scene of HIM at the keyhole…GOD!, how HE let us hear and see HIS red-faced chuckle when the key wouldn’t BUDGE..!!! HOW I LOVED HIM at that!!!! Remember, HE is just as Everyman as WE are, and WE know better!,…… so we send our thoughts ,and LOVE, and HE knows we care and I know He loves this Army of His; don’t forget that because it can ONLY make YOU smile…!! Thank-You for….YOU! in our lives…..and….Peace……Hug-lees, Hummie XO

    • Dear Hummie, I wish you all the best for that mammogram. I just wrote three articles about three breast cancer survivors here–a newbie, a 20 year survivor and one who has beat FOUR different cancers and a stroke and more. Hoping their stories will inspire and encourage others. LOL on living with RA (I suppose we’d all like to have the opportunity to live with the tall, dark, handsome, adorable kind). I know Rheumatoid Arthritis is no picnic, my mother was in the early stages of it when she passed away and I know how debilitating it can be. When your dominant hand is effected–yes, even doing the most basic things can be so difficult and sometimes impossible. And it’s hard feeling dependent on others. Darling RA–his humility and sense of humor are so endearing. Yes, he does cheer me up. I am glad if I can somehow help others in kind.

  3. That is a beautiful quote, Angie. Believe it or not, I was thinking of you this morning, just before I got into my email, wondering how you were doing- I almost got chills seeing this, like an answer to prayer 🙂 I hope you can feel my virtual hug… I really appreciate your sharing, even though this is not an easy time right now. I’m with you, and understand completely being an optimist, even when being honest about hard things. That is the most meaningful optimism, to me. Love, thoughts, prayers- S

    • SH, it’s funny how things work out sometimes. I have been through a lot of ups and downs of late and I keep telling myself through the down times that surely the “ups” will return. I guess it is easier to be optimistic when everything is generally going your way–so perhaps it is more meaningful when you can hold on to hope, maybe only by your fingernails, but you hold on, anyway. 😉 Thanks.

  4. You can add what you do for us to the quote. Generous with time and sharing creativity is as important as giving with money. I am thankful to you for that! I hope your situation improves for yourself and your husband really soon.

    • I remember when my dad died and a family friend came over with food and then started cleaning our house. I was thanking her for her help as she was mopping the floor and I will never forget what she said. “Angie, I can’t write like you do, I can’t do those kinds of things. But this, this is something I can do for my friends.” We all do what we can do. ❤

  5. This may be the first time I’ve commented on your blog, but I’ve been a lurker here since entering the fandom. I love the words of wisdom you’ve posted today, and they are so very true. Truly, helping others in need can sometimes be as simple as a kind compliment or a plate of baked goods! I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling with medical and financial constraints, and I know how sometimes the effect it has on our loved ones is more difficult to bear than the actual problem. Thank you for sharing that quote. It reminds me of some kindnesses I should be doing regularly. =)

    • Welcome, jholland, I appreciate it. *hugs* Even just a few words of kindness or a smile can make a difference in a person’s day. I think seeing what poor Benny is going through does hurt me more. I am so used to being “sick and tired” from the conditions I battle and I can sort of deal with that; but seeing him so tired and stressed, well, it breaks my heart. I am glad the quote was a good reminder for you, too. 😀

  6. Hi, yes, lots of sympathy and thankyou Angies. But I hear precious little PRACTICAL HELP! Here you are drowning and they say .. hey, we’re drowning too or so sorry you’re drowning. But I had hoped someone else would say what I’m going to say. You have given me so much fun and laughter with your Guy musicvideos, the pictures on your blog and the words of wisdom . So WE want to give you something back. Can you give us a safe place to send you something… maybe a post office box or your company?. On it’s own it may not be much, but c’mon everyone, we can help Angie out on this can’t we? A little times a few hundred folk might help turn the corner for a dear sweet Lady.

  7. It really bothers me to see your situation right now. I know you are trying to keep a stiff upper lip, but, sometimes, letting it all out does help. I will try to do the things in the quote more. Good luck to you and your loved ones.

    • I have to admit the lip starts quivering from time to time. 😉 And yes, I think sometimes you just need to get it out and have a good cry and then try to regroup. Thanks and hugs.

  8. Angie – could you get in touch with me or let me know your e-mail? I have got a private message for you. (All good, btw, you’ll like what I have to tell you :-)) my e-mail is guylty (at) photographer (dot) net

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