I used to experience many more highs and lows when it came to my participation in the RA fandom.
I would be giddy with anticipation awaiting any new project, gleeful when new images (or old images new to me) surfaced, glum when we went weeks, months without hearing or seeing much of anything concerning my favorite actor, desperate for some small bone to be thrown the fandom’s way.
I wept with frustration when my not-so-high-speed internet connection didn’t allow me to properly watch live streaming from various premieres and other events. And to be perfectly honest, I was more than a little green with jealousy when others got to see him perform or be interviewed in person, got to meet him, feel his arm around their shoulders, or just bask in the glory of his presence. Don’t get me wrong; I was also genuinely happy for those fortunate fans, too.
Something has happened to me in regarding how I view the fandom and Richard himself. I am not completely sure why.
Maybe part of it is I am tired of the squabbling amongst various factions of the fandom over things that just don’t seem all that important to me, and weary of efforts to police other fans, which I find abhorrent.
Maybe it’s Twitter and Weibo and other social media making him more accessible and thus, the mystique I always appreciated about him has been encroached upon . . . again, I really am not sure.
I just know there have been internal changes as far as I as a fan am concerned.
I went to my Pinterest board for RA a little earlier and changed its title. It used to be “Richard Armitage Owns Me *sigh*” and now it’s “The Armitage Effect on Pinterest.” I guess I just don’t want to be owned anymore? Go figure. I haven’t really wanted to make a fanvid, create fanart or write fanfiction in a while. I still do and (enjoy) video/photo editing and writing, only now it’s for our production company and for the newspaper.
I still admire, respect and love Richard as much as I can anyone I don’t actually know, will never know or have as a daily presence in my life. Not in the same way I know and treasure my husband, pets, family and friends, both in real life and online.
I think Richard is well-intentioned and a truly kind person at heart. He’s a bright, wonderful, versatile talent with the gifts and the drive to go far in his chosen profession. And I will always be grateful for the creative inspiration he and his ChaRActers brought into my life and the difficult, dark waters he helped me navigate.
Perhaps, I have moved through the blazing bonfire of infatuation/obsession and on to a sort of low, slow, steady burn that comforts rather than ignites? I can’t speak (and have never pretended to speak) for any other Armitage admirer. I can only tell you what I am experiencing.
I will keep you posted.