(If you missed the first installment, https://thearmitageeffect.wordpress.com/2013/03/21/guest-post-how-i-fell-for-a-hot-hairy-dwarf-never-looked-back-part-1/)
It’s Bechep! Welcome back dear readers to the next and final instalment of my guest post “How I Fell Hard for a Hot, Hairy Dwarf & Never Looked Back” If you missed last week’s post then I invite you to go back and have a read – even if you find the post uninteresting, there are some nice pictures!
Fasten your seatbelts and get ready for some blatant dwarf love!
Part 2. Hot and Hairy Dwarf.
Warning: For those fans that disagree with the objectifying of Richard Armitage, please look away now. Do join us again in Part 3 as I’m afraid there is lots of worshipping and objectifying about to take place.
Now dear friends, let”s just start with a pretty picture.
If I begin to talk nonsense or babble incoherently, please feel free to throw a bucket of cold water over me.
Right, let’s get started discussing this hot and hairy dwarf. Well, where to start? Let’s just take it from the top shall we?
The Hair – And yes I use a capital letter for the Hair because it deserves it don’t you think? I want to wash it, braid it and then wind said braids around my finger, grab handfuls of it, smell it, run my fingers through it and brush it. It is like something out of a shampoo commercial. The way he flicks it around in such an outstanding fashion and it all falls back into place just so – *sigh*
Hair acting at its finest.
Younger Thorin with his shorter, darker mane is positively dreamy. But I can’t help being ever so fond of the longer, thicker, slightly greying locks. They just make him look so regal and worldly. I just want to brush them away from his face and…*cough* let’s get back to it, shall we?
The eyes – OHHHHHHH the eyes. Richard’s eyes are quite honestly the most amazing, mesmerising eyes I have ever seen. Their colour makes me gasp and their intensity makes me swoon. Put these eyes onto a hot dwarf and Cha-Ching! You have got yourself a winner. Imagine if you will, staring into them while he talks with you about his quest to return to Erebor, well I don’t know about you–but I just melt into a puddle.
I cannot move on without just mentioning the eyelashes. The way he flutters them at all manner of hobbits, wizards, dwarves, elves – no wonder Lord Elrond returned Orcrist the sword to him. I’d quite frankly give him anything he wanted if he batted those eyelashes at me.
See what I mean?
The Beard – Again I use a capital letter. I have seen many pictures of Richard as himself sporting this beard and, although not normally a fan of beards, I will confess that I love it. Thorin’s beard is quite simply a thing of beauty. It’s sitting there all “look at me” and well, I comply and look at it! It adds to the whole majestic, royal, yummy, scrummy vision that is Thorin Oakenshield. And no matter what sticky situation he has managed to get himself into, it always looks so well-groomed – how does he do it? Oh, well you see, he’s perfect. Ohhh I just want to graze my hand along it and have it tickle my face… Ummm, perhaps you should get that bucket of cold water ready, dear readers.
The voice– I don’t really think I need say too much about the voice as I’m sure you are completely aware of Richard’s voice. It’s one of his most wonderful and appealing features. That deep baritone and lovely accent. I would be quite happy to sit down and listen to him read the Phone Book with that voice.
But back to Thorin. The way he barks orders at everyone, speaks kindly to an old warrior, utters the name of the elves in disgust, apologises for his doubt to a hobbit, it really has me swooning. Of course, one cannot talk about Thorin’s voice without mentioning the singing – I believe I actually hyperventilated right there in the cinema when he starting singing by the fireplace. *THUD*
Hmmmm it must be time for another pretty picture – one that shows off the beard I think…
I realise that I am running out of time here (I do tend to waffle so when talking about Thorin Oakenshield) so I will just make a general final list of all the other things that made me fall for this hot dwarf:
- His divine lips that curl in contempt, smirk with arrogance or smile in pleasure.
- His coat pelt that just begs me to run my fingers through it or wrap it around me (or both at the same time)
- His sword, belt, ring axe and shield – all add to the majestic vision of the King Under The Mountain. And the way he wields that sword…*ahem*
- His attitude has me all in a tizzy. Because let’s be honest, there’s nothing quite like a bit of a bad boy with an attitude to match. He’s so damn arrogant, haughty and domineering – and I can’t get enough of it! Of course he can also be humble and kind when he thinks no-one is looking.
So, there you have it. Some of the reasons why I “fell hard for a hot, hairy dwarf”. And as I wipe the drool from my chin we shall sum up with-
Part 3 Never Look Back
As I move forward as a new Richard Armitage fan and Thorin Oakenshield admirer I’m quite excited to think of all the things that I can still look forward to. I will continue to have all those experiences that I mentioned in Part One last week (yes dear reader, I may still get those underpants!) and many new ones too I’m sure.
Of course there are the other two movies to look forward to, but I can’t wait to meet more new people (Richard Armitage fans are really the best ever!), learn, tweet, blog, talk and read about Richard/Thorin, I still have many TV shows to watch that star our boy from Leicester, and I’m very, very quietly going to whisper to you that I may even try writing a Thorin fanfic.
So, that hot, hairy dwarf started a chain of events that has led me to a wonderful, educational, exciting, busy time in my life. I wonder if I thank him will he look at me like this and say in that deep voice “You are welcome, Lady0akenshield” (QUICK get that bucket of water and throw it on me now! *THUD*)
And now as I dry myself off – that water went everywhere! – all that remains is for me to bid you farewell. I hope you have enjoyed reading my ramblings about Thorin Oakenshield and I managed to make you smile and, if you weren’t already a fan of our dwarf, see some of his outstanding qualities.
And to you Angie, thank you so very much for having me on your Blog. I was honoured that you asked me. Now, I have tidied up, put everything back in its place and left the key by the door. I may just leave a small belonging behind, perhaps up on a shelf so I have an excuse to come and visit again. I won’t stay long I promise!
Visit Bechep’s blog “Such is Life” at http://www.bechep.wordpress.com