Tag Archives: yes I am being sarcastic

US’s most cringeworthy lines gleaned from EL James’ new book, “Grey.” Literature, this isn’t (it *is* NSFW).

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I have absolutely no intention of plowing my way through any more of this woman’s work. But I did read these 21 lines the people at US Weekly took from the 500-plus pages of her latest opus, “Grey,” which debuted yesterday.  It basically covers the same story as her first three books, only from the POV of her, uhm, hero, that creepy, whip-loving stalker billionaire Mr. Grey.


I read the lines out loud to my husband, who alternately snickered, groaned and rolled his eyes. Honestly, just when I thought a writer couldn’t get worse–she proved me wrong. I think she should have quit after making an obscenely huge amount of money from her trilogy.  *sigh*

My husband said, “Never underestimate the general stupidity and slavish devotion to crap as far as vast numbers of our population are concerned.”  Sadly, I think he’s on to something there.

Read on–if you dare. 😉

21. I strip off all my clothes and from a drawer pull out my favorite jeans. My DJs. Dom jeans.

20. Boy, she looks good in a harness. 

19. Part of me wants to spank the shyness out of her. 

18. Much as I’d like to, I’m not going to f–k her in the restroom at IHOP. 

17. I ask, “Are you hungry?” “Not for food,” she teases. Whoa. She might as well be addressing my groin. 

16. I could tease and torture her until she begged for release … the images make my jeans even tighter.

15. Once she’s cuffed I step back and take a deep breath, relieved.

14. Oh, this is going to be fun. You’d be amazed what I can do with a few cable ties, baby. 

13. Her sharp intake of breath is music to my dick. 

12. My hand glides down her ass to the blue string and I tug out the tampon. 

11. I’m confused. I wanted to spank her. But she said no. 

10. There’s not a mark on her. The thought is unsettling.

9. She has a fine, fine ass. And I’m going to make it pink…like the champagne.

8. I imagine dripping hot wax onto her breasts and her squirming beneath me. This has a radical effect on my body. 

7. I’m going to make you come like a freight train, baby.

6. She thinks I need some TLC. F–k that Baby. I’ll take your body if you offer it up. I’m doing just fine. 

5. Her cheeks are coloring their familiar rosy pink, like her ass last night.

4. I hold her down so she can’t move, and I start to f–k her, consuming her.  

3. People like me like inflicting pain … I am used to making women cry – it’s what I do.

2. There are three stripes across her backside. I make it four … There’s no one to hear you, baby. 

1. An image of her shackled to my bench, peeled gingerroot inserted in her ass so she can’t clench her buttocks, comes to mind. 

PEELED GINGERROOT? Well, butter my backside and call me a biscuit!